Birthday Sayings

Funny Birthday Sayings Quotes & Quotations Collection

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".

There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents ... and only one for birthday presents, you know.

No wise man ever wished to be younger.

There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Age is a high price to pay for maturity.

It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me.

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

Today is the yesterday you worried about tomorrow.

From our birthday, until we die, Is but the winking of an eye.

May you live all the days of your life.

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

Your birthday is a special time to celebrate the gift of 'you' to the world.

Hope your Birthday gently breezes into your life all the choicest of things and all that your heart holds dear Have A Fun- Filled Day.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

Youth is a disease from which we all recover.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.

Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.

Bible Sayings

Funny Bible Quotes Sayings and Quotations Collection

Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Work hard and become a leader; be lazy and never succeed.

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

And you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.

Wine maketh merry: but money answereth all things.

He that has pity on the poor lends to the Lord.

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.

The truth shall make you free.

May you live all the days of your life.

But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night.

In much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

Anniversary Quotes

Funny Anniversary Quotes Sayings & Quotations Collection

Are we not like two volumes of single book ?

25th Anniversary - A celebration of love as bright and enduring as silver.

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life.

True love stories never end.

Anniversary : A time to celebrate the beauty, gift, and the blessing of enduring love.

Knowing you will be with me in all my tomorrows, makes my today so wonderful.

There is no feeling more comforting and consoling than knowing you are right next to your loved one.

On this our anniversary, we may not have wealth, but we do have each other and that is worth more than anything in the world.

A marriage anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.

I will not love you for the rest of your life, but for the rest of my life.

Marriage is choosing someone again and again to love and to cherish with each new dawn.

Our anniversary is a time to look back at the good times and a time to look ahead to live our dreams together.

A successful married life requires falling in love many times, but always with the same person.

Love is there when both person are more concerned for the other than for one's self.

If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.

Sometimes, when only one person is missing, and the whole world seems desolated.

Love is the best refreshment in life.

No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married for quarter of a century.

The secret to having a good married life is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent and it must be equal.

It doesn't matter where you go in life, what you do ..... it's who you have beside you.

We have changed over the years, but the sparkle in your eyes is as bright as ever, and my love for you is even stronger.

Side by side - Year by year.

The difficulty with married life is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.

Love begins in a moment, grows over time, and lasts for eternity.

American Quotes

Funny American Quotes Sayings and Quotations Collection

I have no further use for America. I wouldn't go back there if Jesus Christ was President.

America's best buy is a telephone call to the right man.

There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.

The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.

America is the only nation in history which, miraculously, has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.

The business of America is business and the chief ideal of the American people is idealism.

America makes prodigious mistakes, America has colossal faults, but one thing cannot be denied: America is always on the move. She may be going to Hell, of course, but at least she isn't standing still.

At least the Pilgrim Fathers used to shoot Indians: the Pilgrim Children merely punch time clocks.

If you think the United States has stood still, who built The largest shopping center in the world?

It is impossible for a stranger traveling through the United States to tell from the appearance of the people or the country whether he is in Toledo, Ohio, or Portland, Oregon. Ninety million Americans cut their hair in the same way, eat each morning exactly the same breakfast, tie up the small girls curls with precisely the same kind of ribbon fashioned into bows exactly alike; and in every way all try to look and act as much like all the others as they can.

The main thing that endears the United Nations to member governments, and so enables it to survive, is its proven capacity to fail. You can safely appeal to the United Nations in the comfortable certainty that it will let you down.

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff-box from an emperor.

The keynote of American civilization is a sort of warm-hearted vulgarity. The Americans have none of the irony of the English, none of their cool poise, none of their manner. But they do have friendliness. Where an Englishman would give you his card, an American would very likely give you his shirt.

Ambition Sayings

Funny Ambition Sayings Quotes and Quotations Collection

To be ambitious of true honor, of the true glory and perfection of our natures, is the very principle and incentive of virtue.
---Sir Philip Sidney ---

Every child has great ambitions. As he grows, he is bombarded by negative suggestions -- you can't do this; you can't do that; be careful; look for security, and so on. Year by year, he experiences the ''realities'' of life, and his ambitions fade away. Figuratively speaking, most children die by the time they reach their adulthood.
---Shall Sinha ---

Ambition if it feeds at all, does so on the ambition of others.
----Susan Sontag 1933--, American Essayist --

Ambition is an idol, on whose wings great minds are carried only to extreme; to be sublimely great or to be nothing.
---Robert Southey---

There are glimpses of heaven to us in every act, or thought, or word, that raises us above ourselves.
---Arthur P. Stanley ---

Ambition often puts Men upon doing the meanest offices; so climbing is performed in the same position with creeping.
----Jonathan Swift 1667-1745, Anglo-Irish Satirist ---

If you wish to reach the highest, begin at the lowest.
----Publilius Syrus 1st Century BC, Roman Writer ---


Where there are large powers with little ambition... nature may be said to have fallen short of her purposes.
---Sir Henry Taylor ---

As he was valiant, I honor him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.
----William Shakespeare---

The very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream.
---William Shakespeare---

Alcohol Quotes

Funny Alcohol Sayings Quotes and Quotations Collection

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much. Then again, don't drink too little.

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.

I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.

This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.

Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend !!!!

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they always worked for me.

The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

Cocaine is gods way of telling you that you make too much money.

I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.

A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

There is a devil in every berry of the grape.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

I drink to forget I drink.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.

Prohibition may be a disputed theory, but none can say that it doesn't hold water.

The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.


Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

The whole world is about three drinks behind.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Age Quotes

Funny Age Quotes Sayings and Quotations Collection

Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones who will be writing about you.

There is no old age. There is, as there always was, just you.

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.

I grow more intense as I age.

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.

A young man is embarrassed to question an older one.

The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes.

Though it sounds absurd, it is true to say I felt younger at sixty than I felt at twenty.

Young men's minds are always changeable, but when an old man is concerned in a matter, he looks both before and after.

It is a mistake to regard age as a downhill grade toward dissolution. The reverse is true. As one grows older, one climbs with surprising strides.

Age does not protect you from love, but love to some extent protects you from age.

Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.

With age come the inner, the higher life. Who would be forever young, to dwell always in externals ?

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Advice Quotes

Funny Advice Sayings Quotes and Quotations Collection

The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.

The people sensible enough to give good advice are usually sensible enough to give none.

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.

Unless a president can protect the privacy of the advice he gets, he cannot get the advice he needs.

We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves.

When a thing is done, advice comes too late.

When we ask advice we are usually looking for an accomplice.

Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example.

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.

The advice of their elders to young men is very apt to be as unreal as a list of the hundred best books.

The art of advice is to make the recipient believe he thought the thought of it himself.

The best advice is this: Don't take advice and don't give advice.

The best advice one can offer to both press and public is the suggestion Ronald Reagan himself gave to students in Chicago ... "Don't let me get away with it. Check me out. Don't be the sucker generation."

Adversity Quotes

Funny Adversity Quotes Sayings and Quotations Collection

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience.

If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.

If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Sometimes it's worse to win a fight than to lose.

Sometimes the littlest things in life are the hardest to take. You can sit on a mountain more comfortably than on a tack.

Strong men greet war, tempest, hard times. They wish, as Pindar said, to tread the floors of hell, with necessities as hard as iron.

Sweet are the uses of adversity, Which like the toad, ugly and venomous, Wears yet a precious jewel in his head; And this our life, exempt from public haunt, Find tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, And good in everything.

That some good can be derived from every event is a better proposition than that everything happens for the best, which it assuredly does not.

The actual tragedies of life bear no relation to one's preconceived ideas. In the event, one is always bewildered by their simplicity, their grandeur of design, and by that element of the bizzare which seems inherent in them.

The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them.

The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

The darkest hour has only sixty minutes.

If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to bprison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like cwolves for the blood of the lamb;

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.

Adventure Quotes

Funny Adventure Sayings Quotes and Quotations Collection

To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you
may be the world An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.
--G. K. Chesterton --

Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain.
Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life --
facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, testing our resources a
gainst the unknown and in the process, discovering our own unique potential.
--John Amatt organizer and participant in Canada's
first successful expedition to the summit of Mt Everest.--

Bringing up a family should be an adventure, not an anxious discipline
in which everybody is constantly graded for performance.
--Milton R. Saperstein --

Death is the most beautiful adventure in life.
--Charles Frohman ---

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.
--Helen Keller --

Never forget that life can only be nobly inspired and rightly
lived if you take it bravely and gallantly, as a splendid adventure
in which you are setting out into an unknown country, to face many a danger,
to meet many a joy, to find many a comrade, to win and lose many a battle.
--Annie Besant English Peace and Social Justice Advocate ---

There are more adventures on a chessboard than on all the seas of the world
--Pierre Mac ORLAN --

Addiction Quotes

Funny Addiction Sayings Quotes and Quotations Collection



Why is it drug addicts and computer aficionados are both called users?
--Clifford Stoll --

Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know - I've been using it for years.
--Tallulah Bankhead --

I take it to be a principle rule of life, not to be too much addicted to any one thing.
--Terence --

The addiction to sports, therefore, in a peculiar degree marks an
arrested development in man's moral nature.
--Thorstein Veblen --

Addiction should never be treated as a crime.
It has to be treated as a health problem.
We do not send alcoholics to jail in this country.
Over 500,000 people are in our jails who are nonviolent drug users.
--Ralph Nader --

A moderate addiction to money may not always be hurtful; but when taken in
excess it is nearly always bad for the health.
--Clarence Day --

There is only one reason why men become addicted to drugs, they are weak men.
Only strong men are cured, and they cure themselves.
--Martin H. Fischer --

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be
alcohol or morphine or idealism.
--Carl Gustav Jung --

All sins tend to be addictive, and the terminal point of addiction is damnation.
--W H Auden --

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
--Ann Landers --

Ability Quotes

It is a fine thing to have ability, but the ability to discover ability in others is the true test.

God does not ask about our ability, but our availability.

The height of ability consists in a thorough knowledge of the real value of things, and of the genius of the age in which we live.

To know how to hide one's ability is great skill.

The Creator has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.

Ability hits the mark where presumption overshoots and diffidence falls short.

Ability is sexless.

Natural abilities can almost compensate for the want of every kind of cultivation, but no cultivation of the mind can make up for the want of natural abilities.

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability.

The abilities of man must fall short on one side or the other, like too scanty a blanket when you are abed. If you pull it upon your shoulders, your feet are left bare; if you thrust it down to your feet, your shoulders are uncovered.

Wicked people are always surprised to find ability in those that are good.

They are able because they think they are able.

The world cares very little about what a man or woman knows; it is what a man or woman is able to do that counts.

We all have ability. The difference is how we use it.

Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.

You are the only person on earth who can use your ability.

Natural abilities are like natural plants; they need pruning by study.

Ability is of little account without opportunity.

The extent of your consciousness is limited only by your ability to love and to embrace with your love the space around you, and all it contains

No amount of ability is of the slightest avail without honor.

Ability without honor is useless.

The first requisite for success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem incessantly without growing weary.

Big jobs usually go to the men who prove their ability to outgrow small ones.

Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.

There is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability.

I add this, that rational ability without education has oftener raised man to glory and virtue, than education without natural ability.

Natural ability without education has more often raised a man to glory and virtue than education without natural ability.

I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.

All endeavor calls for the ability to tramp the last mile, shape the last plan, endure the last hours toil. The fight to the finish spirit is the one...characteristic we must posses if we are to face the future as finishers.

Ability is a poor man's wealth.